Punishment, crime---AND DESTROYING ALL LEGALITIES!
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: The young 7 -the greatest crime syndicate in Equestria are about to tried by their former friendship teachers, and thrown in jail for the rest of their miserable lives. But how did this happen? Why did the children go bad? Where did it all go wrong? What's a sex bot? Read to find out in the trial of the century!


**Punishment, crime-AND DESTROYING ALL LEGALITIES!**

...

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

It was a quite day in the Grand penthouse in Ponyville...6 of the Young 7 were lounging about, taking a well earned brake from their studies at Princess Twilight's school of Friendship.

Gallus was practicing tricks with his cards, Ocellus was crunching numbers, Sandbar was studying up on pony law, philosophy and ethics while admiring a picture of what appeared to be Princess Twilight Sparkle in his locket, Silverstream was mixing more chemicals together in her rather large chemistry set, Smolder was working at her smelter...making odd pellet like things and other strange contraptions, Yona was bench pressing on a weight-lift custom built for Yaks...

But wait- What's this? Only six? Where was the seventh? The leader? Where was-

 **CRASH!**

"GUYS! THE JIG IS UP! MY INFORMANT JUST TOLD ME THAT OUR TEACHERS KNOW EVERYTHING! THEY'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE! IT'S A RAID! DITCH THE EVIDENCE! MAKE FOR MEXICOLT! DOUBLE TIME!" Shouted a Grey Unicorn named Crypto Spiridium.

For a brief moment, all was quiet as the the six stared at their boss/friend...and then all Tarterus broke lose!

"NO!"

"OH, MAN!"

"WERE FRACKED MAN! FRACKED!"

"EMBERS GOING TO USE ME FOR TARGET PRACTICE!

"WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO TWI-BOT AND THE GIRLS!?"

"YONA NO LIKE THIS!"

They all screamed and panicked as they sprung into action-

 **...( Music starts)...**

 **Oi you, gizz a beer!**

"Oh, man! Oh, man! Grandpa Gruff is going to fracking pluck me!" Screamed a terrified Gallus-

Suddenly time froze and the room became filled with dramatic inverted colors, with big black letters appearing over him saying: **GALLUS: The Smooth operator.**

-Especially when he sees I didn't give him a cut of the loot!" He shouts as he opens his wall safe, his wall safe within the wall safe, the hidden compartment within his bed, in his lamp, socks, door, toilet and dumped all the bits into a brief case...

 **Piracy's a crime and crime doesn't pay**  
 **And we go home poor at the end of the day**  
 **But I'd rather live my life in rags**  
 **Than be chained to a desk with a wife that's a hag**

 **We live each day like there's nothing to lose**  
 **But a man has needs and that need is booze**  
 **They say all the best things in life are free**  
 **So give all your beer and your rum to me**

"Less talking! More dumping!" Screamed Silverstream as she gathered up all her assorted stashes; her crack, smack, whack, slurps, nobs, mucks, hoops, loops, dopes, nopes, Eyups, paralyzers, tranquilizers, manticore tranquilizers, and basilisk chocolates...and frantically tried to flush them all down the toilet-

Again, time froze and the room became filled with dramatic inverted colors, with big black letters appearing over her saying: **SILVERSTREAM: Chemist and Drug wizard extraordinaire.**

-Occelus! Quick! Help me!" She shouts as she begins to alternate between dumping drugs down the toilet and shoving drug bags down both her own throat and her friends, "(Sniff) It tastes like turtles!" She sobbed.

 **We are here to drink your beer**  
 **And steal your rum at the point of a gun**  
 **Your alcohol to us will fall**  
 **'Cause we are here to drink your beer**

 **We are here to drink your beer**  
 **And steal your rum at the point of a gun**  
 **Your alcohol to us will fall**  
 **'Cause we are here to drink your beer**

Occelus frantically tossed more of her painstakingly made bookkeeping records into the incinerator chute and groaned, "I could'a just remained an introverted nerd, but NO! I had to be a rebel!" she moaned!

Once more, time froze and the room became filled with dramatic inverted colors, with big black letters appearing over her saying: **OCCELUS: the Accountant.**

"Just keep burning that evidence woman!" Shouted a now even more frantic Silverstream as he fished through the hidden compartment in the pickle jar for any bits he may have missed...

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

"Dang it Smolder, we don't have time for this!" "I'm not leaving my pride and joy to those vultures to mangle and paw through!" Shouts Smolder as she packs away all her beautiful guns...

Yet again, time froze and the room became filled with dramatic inverted colors, with big black letters appearing over her saying: **SMOLDER: The gunsmith kid.**

 **We've sailed over seas for Wenches and Mead**  
 **And told great tales of The Huntmaster's deeds**  
 **The quest for a drop of the Famous ol' Spiced**  
 **Has shown us the wrath of Leviathan's bites**

 **We went Back Through Time to get more Rum**  
 **Though we end up Shipwrecked having no fun**  
 **But Heavy Metal Pirates we must be**  
 **So give all your beer and your rum to me**

"but what will happen to you?" Asked the concerned pony that apparently looked like twilight. Sandbar steeled himself, he had to be strong...if not for his friends...then at least for the girl he loved!

"Never mind me! You and the other bots need to skeedadle! If Twilight finds you, your scrapped!" Time naturally froze and the room became filled with dramatic inverted colors, with big black letters appearing over him saying: **Sandbar: Pimp Daddy and sex-bot civil rights activist.**

With a heavy heart, Twi-bot and her sex bot Mane 6 friends fly away to safety- Sandbar was so glad he sprung for the alicorn upgrade!

 **We are here to drink your beer**  
 **And steal your rum at the point of a gun**  
 **Your alcohol to us will fall**  
 **'Cause we are here to drink your beer**

 **We are here to drink your beer**  
 **And steal your rum at the point of a gun**  
 **Your alcohol to us will fall**  
 **'Cause we are here to drink your beer**

"Right, Yona! My guy at the front desk just told me they got the place surrounded, we need you to go ahead and secure a route to the safe house!" Instructs Crypto.

Yona nods, ties safety harness to self and jumps out the window. Of course, time froze and the room became filled with dramatic inverted colors, with big black letters appearing over her saying: **YONA: the Muscle.**

"I meant using the stairs!" Shouts Crypto exasperated.

 **We are here to drink your beer**  
 **And steal your rum at the point of a gun**  
 **Your alcohol to us will fall**  
 **'Cause we are here to drink your beer**

 **We are here to drink your beer**  
 **And steal your rum at the point of a gun**  
 **Your alcohol to us will fall**  
 **'Cause we are here to drink your beer**

"What do you mean there's nothing you can do about it!?" Demanded Crypto as he yelled into a magic mirror, "Your our lawyer! You've got us out of tough jams before!" He listens...and pales, "She...she knows about THAT? Well, what about- What!? How'd they learn about that!?" Crypto shook his head, "Look, what about our 'friends' in high places? Shirley with the right 'motivation' they'll- WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'VE BEEN ALL ARRESTED!?"

He groaned, sighs...the looks at the fourth wall, "Well? what are you waiting for? Introduce me already! I kinda have bigger things to worry about right now!"

For the last time, Time froze and the room became filled with dramatic inverted colors, with big black letters appearing over him saying: **CRYPTO SPIRIDIUM: Leader and main point of divergence from cannon.**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **Drink!**

 **CRASH!**

The crew turns around just in time to see the door get knocked off it's hinges...and their VERY ticked off Friendship instructors leading a team of Royal guards into their room.

Crypto tried to hide his panic, put on his best smile and chuckle nervously. "Heh...Princess Twilight, what a surprise! To what do we owe this honor?"

Twilight just glared...as her older brother walks up, "Boy...your in a heap of trouble." Said shining armor angrily.

Again Crypto chuckled, "Uh...whatever 'misunderstanding' is happening here...I'm sure we can get it all worked out...we have NOTHING to hide."

"MAKE WAY FOR YONA!" Shouts Yona as she falls past the window their next to.

Crypto just slapped his forehead with a groan as everyone was read their rights and handcuffed.

 _"No doubt your all wondering how it all came to this. How I Crypto Spiridium went from small-time hussler to criminal Kingpin high and mighty, and how this sorry lot of schoolchildren behind me came entangled in all this...and became my closest friends-_

Pinkie bops him on the head, "HEY! NO INTERNAL MONOLOGUES! They'll be plenty of time for flashbacks during your trial!" She exclaims to everyone's confusion as she leads Crypto away.

Crypto sighed, "Yes, Miss Pie." He said in a resigned manner...

Pinkie nods, "Good, now for the sake of theatrical continuity...think about a chicken dinner, the latest toy, and a special pill to help transition to the next chapter!"

And he dose just that...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Music is 'Drink' by Alestorm.**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


End file.
